As I left Seattle headed to the Canadian border, several feelings and questions rushed about my mind; This is the part of the trip I’ve been waiting for! I am scared to be alone. I hope I see a bunch of bears! Will I figure out what I want to do after this trip?
As I approached the Canadian border I was on the phone with my sponsor talking about my progress thus far and my expectations for this trip. We talked about a step in the program I have been working, and how I’ve been stuck but it was necessary to complete in order for me to grow. When our conversation ended my mind was full from thoughts, just because I had been sober for 20 months my mind still obsessed about drinking and a lot of my habits had yet to change. At this point in my life I was finally willing to work the program that this sober fellowship had offered. I was convinced that this trip in itself would give me enough “thinking” and “alone time” to figure out my issues and prepare me for the next phase of my life. This idea proved to be wrong.
As I approached the Canadian border I was on the phone with my sponsor talking about my progress thus far and my expectations for this trip. We talked about a step in the program I have been working, and how I’ve been stuck but it was necessary to complete in order for me to grow. When our conversation ended my mind was full from thoughts, just because I had been sober for 20 months my mind still obsessed about drinking and a lot of my habits had yet to change. At this point in my life I was finally willing to work the program that this sober fellowship had offered. I was convinced that this trip in itself would give me enough “thinking” and “alone time” to figure out my issues and prepare me for the next phase of my life. This idea proved to be wrong.
Once I arrived at the border I was hassled by border patrol. They hounded me with questions as they were convinced I brought “legal marijuana” since I was from Colorado. It probably didn’t help when they asked if I was employed and I enthusiastically replied “NOPE! I just quit my job and have been riding this scooter for the past month!” After being there for an hour and a half, I was finally released and headed towards Vancouver. Immediately I ended up getting lost since I didn’t have google maps navigating my every turn, luckily I ran into a fine Royal Canadian Mounted Police officer who was awesome and hooked it up with directions to a much more scenic route than I originally planned. I scootered off and soon unexpectedly found myself in downtown Vancouver. It was dark, blue, red, and green lights lit up the city and I was screaming with joy at the top of my lungs! That is until I realized I still needed to find a place to camp in the dark. I made outside the city to horseshoe bay and searched everywhere until I found what I thought was a tucked away camping spot. Since I knew I shouldn’t be sleeping in this park and it was already 1 in the morning so I didn’t set up my tent and passed out in my sleeping back.I slept for maybe 3 hours until the sun came up and I realized I was in the middle of a playground with people walking their dogs and looking at me like i was a hobo, not exactly tucked away as I had thought in the dark the night before.
I was then off headed up Whistler, scootering at a steady 20 mph uphill. This is where I truly entered the Canadian Rockies, they jutted straight up with jagged gnarly peaks still blanketed in snow. From Whistler to Bell 2 lodge where they run a hell skiing operation I got to see some of the most beautiful scenery I had seen so far. My friends Bill and Karen were awesome and hooked me up with 2 nights at this lodge where I was able to sleep in a bed once again and chow down on some ribs instead of the usual oatmeal or sometimes if I’m splurging I’ll throw a snickers bar in my oatmeal! From there I backtracked to Stewart Canada and went up and slept next to Salmon Bay glacier. It was 20 miles up this dirt road where a landslide scattered boulders across the road, luckily my scooter was able to weave in and out with ease. From there I was the only vehicle that could access this section of the road so of course I pitched my tent in the middle of the road and gathered the biggest stumps I could find and had an epic bonfire while watching the sun set tuning the sky bright pink while bringing out the deep blue of the glacial ice surrounding me. The next day I broke camp and was off to my next destination, Prince Rupert where I would catch a ferry to Haines, AK.
Ever since I stopped drinking my life has gotten better but I felt as though I plateaued and my hope was this trip would be the solution I have been searching for. I had been struggling with being happy, I was in the middle of Canada -surrounded by turquoise streams, bald eagles catching fish right next to my campsite, and mountains that I could not stop awing at. Yet I still wasn’t on cloud nine like I expected to be. When I made it to Prince Rupert I was able to call my girlfriend. We had a conversation and she helped me realize why I was on this trip- it’s simple, “I need to learn how to love myself” self-confidence is something I’ve always struggled with. She said something that caused a major shift in my perception, “I think you think you love me more than I love you and that is not true. I just wish you loved you as much as I love you” once she said that, different things started to “click”. In Prince Rupert I went to a sober fellowship meeting where I met a few guys and the instantaneous fellowship was mind blowing- one guy named Matt offered me a place to stay, another guy Drew then drove me to where I had my camping gear (15 miles outside of town-45 minute round trip) a third guy Ian told me to come over and hang out the next day while Matt was at work. The instant feeling of acceptance and random people offering their service was almost overwhelming at first, it blew me away. The last night I was in Prince Rupert I was talking to Matt about how I was using this trip to try and figure out what I am going to do next in life. He casually responded, “you just gotta do the steps and everything else will fall into place.” Later that night i was off to catch the ferry at 3 am where I waited in line for hours, I even passed out with my head dangling over the handle bars. I was taking the ferry from Prince Rupert to Haines, AK and would get a break from scootering for 3 days. I was stoked for this experience.
As I finally boarded the ferry I grabbed all my gear and raced to the top deck in order to secure a good stop to camp out for the next three days. The night before I met a kid named Zach who was part of a summer camp and filled me in that all 30 kids in this camp were going to be camping out on the top deck for the next three days. From the instant these energetic crazy 16 year olds boarded the ferry, the crew and passengers knew they were in for headaches and insanity. On the other hand, I was stoked to be with a bunch of rowdy kids, pulling pranks on each other left and right, and causing a ruckus. After being sternly reprimanded too many times to count and almost kicked off the ferry, these kids did the impossible, they had the entire crew and all the passengers fall in love with them. Their sheer opennessess and willingness engage in genuine conversations brought the best out of everyone they came into contact with, including myself. On the last night we spent together these kids put on a talent show and one of the crew members that had been reprimanding them just the day before joined one of the kids, Justin in a “mother/son” dance. Jacob, Evan, Joey, and Connor asked me to be a part of their group and to do a dance with them, of course I couldn’t turn them down, we ended up getting 2nd in the talent show! Later that night they invited me to join in in their daily reflection, where we went around the circle sharing our favorite experience of the ferry and what we had learned that will help us to grow. When it was my turn to share I didn’t share about all the humpback whales and dolphins I saw not to mention the countless amount of eagles and beautiful island scenery, the reason I originally took the ferry. My favorite part was being able to connect with so many of these kids. Being able to talk to kids that are nonjudgmental and engage in every conversation was something that was comforting beyond belief and I slowly got used. What I couldn’t get used to or hardly believe was hearing some of these kids tell me how I had impacted their trip so much and they will remember me for the rest of their lives. I mean, I know I will never forget that these kids showed me how it truly does not matter what difference you have between another person, we all are able to listen to each other and sometimes that is all that’s needed. Alaska is a big state, but it is a small world so hopefully I’ll run into these kids again!
After a bunch of farewell hugs and goodbyes from these kids I scooted off the ferry and at last I had made it to Alaska; Haines, AK to be exact (still 1,000 more miles to go). I got off the ferry a little bummed that I was back on the road all alone, so I decided to hang out in Haines and hit up a meeting later that day. Little did I know, this meeting was about to help me realize exactly what I needed out of this trip.
During this meeting I shared that I thought I finally could put into words, why I was on this trip- “to learn how to love myself.” I talked about not being sure what the formula is but I have been trying and been unsuccessful at completing these steps and maybe that is what I need to do because all the techniques I’ve tried, including this trip have failed. After the meeting I had two kind ladies, Diane and Sue both offer me a place to say. I ended up crashing in Diane’s airstream she had parked in her front yard. Along with the offers to house me a guy Joe came to me and offered to take me through the steps. Apprehensively I told him I’d think about it and I left to go drop my gear off in Diane’s airstream. Later that night I met up with Joe and I realized how many different things had to fall into place in order for me to meet Joe and for him to offer to help me out. So I became willing to hang around Haines for a bit and work the steps with him.
During this meeting I shared that I thought I finally could put into words, why I was on this trip- “to learn how to love myself.” I talked about not being sure what the formula is but I have been trying and been unsuccessful at completing these steps and maybe that is what I need to do because all the techniques I’ve tried, including this trip have failed. After the meeting I had two kind ladies, Diane and Sue both offer me a place to say. I ended up crashing in Diane’s airstream she had parked in her front yard. Along with the offers to house me a guy Joe came to me and offered to take me through the steps. Apprehensively I told him I’d think about it and I left to go drop my gear off in Diane’s airstream. Later that night I met up with Joe and I realized how many different things had to fall into place in order for me to meet Joe and for him to offer to help me out. So I became willing to hang around Haines for a bit and work the steps with him.
Although I did a lot of work in Haines, I sure as hell had plenty of time for exploring and fun! Through a string of crazy events, I met a dood named Joshua up here in Haines who was also a CU alum! He is up here in Haines working on the final chapters of his novel Maven The Raven. We instantly connected and a few days later we fund ourselves on a sick hike that lead us up to a look out over the entire town of Haines and the several inlets surrounding it. Also a few guys I had met on the ferry met up with us on the 4th and we watched the mud volleyball tournament and listened to music as we watched the fireworks while chowing down on some fresh Dungeness crab that joe had caught. The fireworks were alright, it wasn’t quite dark enough because the sun never entirely disappears up here but the scene surrounding all these festivities was hilarious! All the local kids were running around with bottle rockets shooting them everywhere without a single adult reprimanding, actually they were shooting off plenty of fireworks themselves, after the city firework show ended is when the real fireworks began and you could start to see random mortars exploding in the air from different streets all around town, the booming and banging carried on all night long in this small town of 2,500 people. My time in haines has been my favorite time this far on the trip and now i am headed off to anchorage, still 1,000 miles more to go. I’m off and headed into the yukon to camp tonight, hopefully I’ll see some moose and some grizzlies from afar!!
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